Dear Harry
by Suni-Dlight
Summary: Dear Harry . . . Today, on your eighteenth birthday, two hours or so ago, you left us.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The characters known to be created by J.K. Rowling do in fact belong to J.K. Rowling. Only the main character is mine.**

**A/N: So this is new. The idea came to me some time ago and I'm just now getting it out. This story will be written in place of Sister Circle, which has currently been put into hiatus. Hopefully, you'll like it. Tell me what you think. P.s. this is not a one shot. There will be more letters to come.**

* * *

_July 31_

_Dear Harry,_

_Today, on your eighteenth birthday, two hours or so ago, you left us. _

_No one is quite sure what happened. Ron, Hermione, and I didn't really see anything but the flashes of bright, green light coming from yours and Voldemort's wand. His body lay on the ground but you were no were in sight. Just your wand._

_The Weasleys, Hermione, and I all came back to Grimmuald place. They let me hold your wand until we bury it in place of you. It's lying on the bedside table right now. We all sat around the kitchen table for a while, your place open as if waiting for you to walk in and say, "We did it! Voldemort's gone!"_

_Then we all went to our own rooms. Ginny is sitting staring out the window. Hermione's crying. I've wanted to cry since we've got back home but I couldn't. The only thing I wanted to do was to talk to you, so I started writing this letter in my diary._

_It's crazy. I still haven't come to terms with the fact that I'll never see you smile anymore, or see your eyes sparkle at the simple mention of Quidditch, or kiss you again._

_I remember the first time we kissed, back in sixth year. You were so mad about Dumbledore, we all were, but you were so, so upset. I remember you yelled and cursed at Ron, Hermione, and I and then stormed out of the room. I was so angry at you. I thought you were so selfish and arrogant, to think you were the only one who ever cared about Dumbledore. I came after you and found you in the Owlery, fuming. I don't think I even let you talk. I slapped you, right? And then I just started yelling at you, telling you what a git I thought you were and how you hurt me, Ron, and Hermione. You seemed to just take it all in, listening to me yell, watching me pace around the room, scaring off the birds. Then, strangely enough since I hit you, you grabbed me and hugged me. I started to cry and you just held on to me. I kissed you first, I suppose. And then you kissed me back. What a weird way to find out someone likes you, huh?_

_Oh, I miss you already Harry. I wish you could just walk in through that door downstairs where Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Remus, and Professor McGonagall are discussing how to go about your funeral and what to do with the house and all your things. I want to run downstairs and tell them to leave it all alone, to leave you alone._

_I'm sort of waiting for that moment when I'll snap and cry and break things. Sort of like you did after Sirius died. Sort of like I did after my little brother died. But I don't want to mess up anything here because every room holds some part of your presence._

_I'm confused though. I don't know whether to be mad or sad. Of course I'm sad because you're gone, but I'm mad because, I don't know, I suppose I expected you to be stronger and to always be there. I mean, you'd be attacked by Voldemort six different times. Why did this time have to be any different?_

_We're not staying here, at Grimmuald place long. Only until your funeral is over. Then, Hermione and I move back into the Burrow with the Weasleys until my eighteenth on August seventh. By then, Hermione and I should have our own place._

_I remember a couple of weeks ago before you left us, that we went walking in the peace before the war. We found a nice open area next to a lake with Weeping Willows surrounding the area. You tried to break up with me again, like you had after Dumbledore died, telling me you didn't want them to use me against you, you didn't want me to get hurt. Crazy how you were the one to get physically hurt and I'm the one feeling as if moving will be painful._

_Do you remember what I said? I do. I said, "Harry, in the last eight years, you've led me through all different sorts of hell and I'm still here, aren't I? What's one more battle field? And you know what else? We're going to finish this battle and then you and I are going to come back here and build a nice little house for the two of us."_

_You smiled at me and said, "I'm going to hold you to that."_

_I suppose though, out of everything, I'm scared. You were like my anchor, Harry. Every time I felt like I was going to lose it, you were there to make sure I didn't and vice versa. _

_I hate having to miss you for more than just a couple of weeks in the summer. But forever and ever, it'll always hold true, that I love you Harry._

_Love, Katrina. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The characters that belong to J.K. Rowling, actually belong to J.K. Rowling.**

**A/N: So, I'm really glad I got some responses from people for this story. I hope you enjoy this second chapter. Thanks a lot.**

* * *

_August 5_

_Dear Harry,_

_We had your funeral today and they buried your wand. I woke myself up around dawn so I could mentally prepare myself for this, for actually admitting that you're gone. Mrs. Weasley came and got your wand from me, giving me an apologetic smile like that was supposed to be comforting. I mean, I love Mrs. Weasley to death, but I was so mad at the moment._

_We all wore black, of course, but it felt all wrong, you know? I mean, I know you hate funerals and such (who doesn't?) but it just didn't seem right. This was _you_ who we were losing, not some old person or sick person_. _This was_ Harry Potter _who was gone, an eighteen-year-old boy who still had so much life to live, so much more to do, who loved to laugh, and who loved to play Quidditch nonstop. It just didn't seem natural that we sit here and cry the whole way through. And all the people who got up there to talk about only talked about the things you had done. Oh sure, they mentioned that you were a lovely boy, a _kind_ boy, but none of them actually said anything about _who_ you were. When it was my turn to talk, I took as long as I could, telling them all the fun stuff we, you me, Ron, and Hermione did, the things we used to talk about. I told them that there was more to you than just _The Chosen One, The Boy-Who-Lived_. In front of all that was the most caring, wonderful, most special person I had ever known. And that you'd be sorely missed._

_They lowered your wand into the ground. I held Hermione while she cried. Your tombstone read: _Harry Potter, The Boy-Who-Saved-The-World._ I almost laughed when I saw it, imagining how much you'd have been blushing, embarrassed. I suppose at least it wasn't something generic like 'loving friend, loving person', or something, though I would have rather had that then the ever popular _The Boy-Who-_blah-blah-blah (no offense)._

_I still hadn't cried yet, though the tears were there. I didn't think anyone would notice, but Mrs. Weasley did. She came up to me after the funeral, during the reception. I had on my little smile (you know, the smile I have that looks as if I'm slightly demented), and I was thanking people for their condolences and for their empathy. She came up to me and she said, "People often believe that in order to be strong, it means they have to keep their feelings hidden, their fear, their hurt, and their sadness. But I believe that the strongest of people know when it is right for them to feel fear or to let their tears fall. And sometimes, being strong for others means letting your self feel weak first, if only for a moment."_

_And so, after the reception, after everyone had gone, I went to mine, Hermione, and Ginny's room, took off that ugly, black dress and I cried. I cried for you and I cried for myself. I cried because I didn't know where or what I was going to do now that you were gone. I cried because I was scared to actually say out loud that you had . . . died. I cried because I love you._

_Hermione and Ginny came into the room about an hour later. They stayed quiet while I continued to cry, Hermione sitting on my bed with me, rubbing my back. Ginny left for a moment and returned with some hot chocolate in attempts to make me feel better I suppose, but my throat was so clogged up with hidden sobs that it was hard to breathe properly. _

_They are gone now, downstairs with everyone else and I've finally stopped crying. It was after I stopped that I decided to write to you again. I'm not sure how many more letters I'll write in the days to come. Part of me keeps saying it's pointless, that it won't matter how many letters I write because you'll never read them or respond. But another part of me, and I'd like to think it's a bigger part, doesn't care. That part keeps telling me that maybe somehow, some way, you know that I'm talking to you and that, in your own way, you'll respond some how. _

_I suppose the real reason I write these letters is because in a way it makes it feel like you're still here, listening to every word I say, reading every word I write. I suppose that's pretty unhealthy and like I said, I'm not sure how many more letters I'll write. Maybe I'll write just until I know I can finally let you go. Maybe I'll write until I'm gone. I just know, for the moment, these letters, my thoughts of you are the only things keeping me sane, keeping me moving from day to day._

_One thing for sure is, I love you, Harry, and I always will. That's never changing, no matter what._

_Love,_

_Katrina. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters that belong to J.K. Rowling.**

**A/N: I don't really have much to say, so I'll just ask again, just in case no one read 'Coming Back to You'. I'll be starting a new story soon, called Cultural Divide staring Charlie Weasley. My question is this – If Ron is seventeen, how old is Charlie. I'd be incredibly grateful to those who can answer my question.**

* * *

_August 7_

_Dear Harry,_

_It's going on one in the morning, but I couldn't sleep anymore. I dreamt of you tonight. It was crazy because it felt so real! For a minute, I thought that everything that happened since your birthday was the dream and that this was real. The only thing that clued me in was the fact that we were in the house that we said we'd built. It was exactly how I had thought it would look; two story, casual, calm coloring but a different color in each room. It was beautiful._

_I was standing there in the middle of the living room, black couches with green walls, and that Muggle thing called a 'tellyvision'. Blue and purple streamers, banners, and balloons hung from the room, silver writing on each saying 'Happy Birthday Kat'. I remember scowling around the room because whoever put them up know how much I hated birthday parties and things. _

_But then you came down the stairs, the biggest smile ever on your face. And at first, I didn't want to believe it was you because this would just be too wonderful, too . . . surreal. I towards you slowly, while you came towards me, closing the distance._

"_Hey," you said, grinning._

_I threw my arms around your neck. You clung to me while I clung to you, tears falling unyielding from my eyes. And you whispered to me that everything was okay, that you'd always be there, that you'd never leave me._

_I leaned back to look you in the face, into your beautiful jade eyes, letting myself fall into your beautiful smile. You kissed me and I felt as if the world fell out from under my feet. You leaned back this time, kissing me on the forehead._

"_Happy Birthday, Kat," you said._

_Then I woke up, though I really wish I hadn't. Tears were still falling from my eyes. Even now, my lips are still tingling from your kiss. Merlin, even in my sleep you drive me crazy, Harry._

_And though I tried to force myself back to sleep, even with one of the sleeping potions Mrs. Weasley supplied for me and Hermione, I can't sleep. I try to concentrate on the sounds of the clock in the hallway and on Hermione's breath coming through the thin walls of our apartment. _

_But sleep evades me. It's torturous, unbearable. I'm falling apart without you, and I really don't care how pathetic or bad that makes me sound. _

_And now, I can't even escape my feelings in my sleep._

_Please, Harry, I need some help, some advice._

_How can I live without you if I can't sleep for thinking of you?_

_Merlin, what should I do?_

_Love,_

_Katrina. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the characters mentioned in these letters, except Katrina, aren't mine. I'm still trying to get over it.**

**A/N: I am sooooooooooooooooo, so, so sorry it took me so long to update, I've been horribly, horribly busy and out of time. Anyway,**** enjoy.**

* * *

_August 15_

_Dear Harry,_

_I had another dream about you, except this time we were in New York._

_When I opened my eyes, I was on the 'fairy' to the Statue of Liberty. You were standing next to me. You smiled and said, "I've always wanted to come here. The Dursleys came here once but the left me with our neighbor and her cats. I'm glad to be here now though, with you."_

_I shivered slightly, and you took off your coat put it around my shoulders. "Thank you," I had said. We stayed silent for a long time before I spoke again and I asked you what was going on, what you were doing in my dreams (not that I didn't like it)._

"_Because you still need me," you said, wrapping your arm around my waist. "And as long as you still need me, I'll be here."_

"_How will you know when I don't need you anymore?" I asked. "Because as far as I'm concerned I'll always need you."_

_You laughed. "You won't always need me. One of these days, you'll move on and be able to get over the fact that I'm gone, but until then, I'll always be here when you need me."_

"_When will that be?" I asked though I hoped it wasn't any time soon._

"_You'll know. Let's not talk about it though, okay? Let's just have fun while were here."_

"_How'd we get here anyway?"_

"_You must have thought about it. We only go where you think about. And frankly, I'm really glad you thought of here."_

_You took my hand and led me off the boat onto the island. No one else was with us and it was rather romantic. Laughing, we took the stairs up to the top of the statue, reaching it completely out of breath._

"_It's beautiful," I said as we lean out, looking at the city lights._

"_Yeah, beautiful," you said. I turned to see you staring at me, a cute look on your face._

_I rolled my eyes at you smiling and I told you that you were the corniest boy I've ever known._

_You grinned happily. "Yeah, but you like me corny like I like you crazy."_

_I frowned and told you that I wasn't too crazy. You rolled your eyes though. "Most of the time you are. But like I said, I like you crazy. You always make me smile."_

_I grinned then and said that I suppose your corniness makes me smile too. You wrapped your arm around my waist again, pulling me close._

_I woke up smiling this time. Maybe because I knew that I'd see you again soon. Maybe not tomorrow night, maybe not the night after that. But as long as I have my dreams, I have my Harry._

_Love,_

_Katrina._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: I'm really glad you guys seem to like this story. Thanks so much for reading.**

* * *

_August 27_

_Dear Harry,_

_We were in New York again but this time, you wanted me to ice skate._

_I've told you over and over again that I didn't know how to ice skate, that I was as graceful as Hagrid when he's completely sloshed and I told you that again as you put on your skates and handed me mine._

_You just laughed though, giving me that lopsided grin, saying, "I've never been ice skating before. The least you can do is take me this once. Besides, you're not _not_ graceful. I've seen you dance before. How come you can dance but you can't skate?"_

_I frowned at you and told you there was a difference between dancing on solid ground with your center of gravity firmly in place and skating on breakable ice on two thin lines of metal when there was a great chance that you'll break something._

"_Oh come on," you said, pulling me to my feet. I wobbled but you held onto me firmly. _

_I was still fussing when you dragged me onto the ice, skating backwards. Glaring at you I said that I thought you said you'd never been ice skating before. You grinned that cocky grin of yours and said, "I did say that, but I didn't say that I wasn't good at it."_

_You held on tightly to my hands, pulling me as I wobbled and shook. I fell forward into your arms, telling you I was not having fun. You simply smiled again, helping me stand up straight and slipping your arm around my waist while hold the other hand. I leaned into you, enjoying the closeness and the safety even though I didn't like to skate. _

"_What have you been up to?" I asked me._

_I told you that I was working at Flourish and Blotts with Hermione but that I hated it. I would never tell her that though, seeing as how she got me the job. Sure, I loved books but that didn't mean I wanted to spend all of eternity around them._

"_You should do what you like to do, then," Harry said. "You like to dance, I know. Why don't you do that?"_

_I told you I wasn't good enough, but you shook your head saying, "You're a very good dancer, Kat. I've seen you dance."_

_I blushed slightly . . . at least until you started to speed up. I asked you what you thought you were doing. You grinned deviously, loosening your grip from around my waist. I screamed your name as you attempted to spin me around. Of course, the spin was unsuccessful and we both ended up falling into the snow that surrounded the icy lake. _

_I tried to frown at you, but your laughter was contagious and I couldn't help but laugh with you. We laughed until our sides hurt and tears ran down our faces. Sitting up, I took the ice skates off and slipped my boots back on. You did the same, grinning at me._

"_Told you you'd like ice skating," you said._

_Rolling my eyes, I told you I only liked it this time because I didn't seem to break anything. You smiled, leaning towards me and kissing me. _

"_Get some rest, Kat," you said. "You've got work in the morning."_

_I woke up then, feeling slightly cold as if I had actually been outside skating. Right now, I've got my sweater on because I felt so cold but I'm happy. Even if I don't have you for real._

_See you next time Harry._

_Love,_

_Katrina_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and it's characters do not belong to me.**

**A/N: I realized, while I wrote that last chapter, the other day, that this story isn't going to be incredibly long. Truthfully, there will probably going to only be one more chapter after this. But do not fret my friends, there will be a sequel involving Katrina, our writer. Thanks for reading.**

* * *

_October 7_

_Dear Harry,_

_Ron and Hermione are starting to worry about me, they say. Hermione's been telling Ron that I've stopped eating, that I daydream at work, and that I sleep whenever I can. I told them that I'm fine, which is true, I just don't eat as much as I used too, I've got a lot on my mine, and I'm tired. _

_They're my friends though, our friends, and I know they're supposed to worry. If they didn't, they wouldn't be good friends, right? But I've told them not to worry because I'll get over this right?_

_Right._

_I had another dream though, about you (of course). We were back in the house this time, cuddled up together on the couch in front of the fire. You kept running your fingers through my hair and I was trying not to fall sleep because I was enjoying my time with you too much._

_It was quiet in the house, incredibly peaceful. Only the crackle of the fire and I could hear the soft beating of your heart from where my head lay on your chest. _

_You sighed suddenly. "You got to let me go, Kat," you said, quietly._

_I sat up, asking you what you were talking about._

_You pressed her hand against my cheek saying, "I really want to be with you, Kat, but this, these dreams, they're not helping you one bit."_

_I told you that you sound like Hermione and Ron, that I was fine. But you smiled, sadly, and shook your head. You leaned forward and kissed me. "I love you Kat."_

_You kissed me again. "But you've got to move on. . . . Let go."_

_I woke up then and I felt as if I couldn't breath. I ran into the bathroom to get a glass of water when I caught my reflection in the mirror. _

_Merlin. Despite all the time I've slept, I looked horrible. There were bags under my eyes, my hair looked tangled and dull, and I looked horribly skinny. _

_It never once crossed my mind how these dreams would effect me, I just . . . I wanted to be with you and everything. . . ._

_Hermione came in then, asking me if I was all right. I splashed water onto my face twice before I turned to her, smiling and I told her I was fine._

_And you know what, Harry? I think I will be._

_Love,_

_Katrina_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: So I do not own Harry Potter. Dang. Where's a freaking Genie when you need one. Oh, yeah, I'm also disclaiming Fergie's song 'Big Girls Don't Cry'.**

**A/N: This is probably the last chapter but keep your eye out for the sequel which will be called Spotlight. You guys are awesome. Thanks so much. P.S., the song is going to skip around a little but that's just the way I am. Thanks again for reading.**

* * *

_October 18_

_Dear Harry,_

The smell of your skin lingers, on me now,

_So I've had tons of time to think about what you told me in that last dream, though I admit I never really wanted to think about letting go even though your gone._

You're probably on your flight back to your home town.

_Until I met you, Harry, I never believed that it was so easy to fall in love and yet here I am, completely torn up inside and slightly dependent on your presence._

I need some shelter of my own protection, baby.

_I suppose you were right when you said that the dreams weren't helping me. They made me miss you all the more. They made me crave the very thought of you._

To be with myself instead of calamity,

Peace, serenity.

_But I thought of you drive me crazy sometimes and I'm overcome with grief and I get so scared because I don't know how I'm ever going to make it without you, alone._

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone,

I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown.

_And I always thought that we'd be together after the whole war, and we'd have our house and, I don't know, maybe even create a family together, though we never thought that far._

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they.

_And every time I think about what we could have had and what I don't have now, I get so angry and life just seems bitter and worthless. Which is why I guess you were right when you said I should let you go._

And I foresee the dark ahead, if I stay.

_Harry, I love you._

I hope you know, I hope you know,

That this has nothing to do with you.

_But I know I can't hold onto you forever because I'll drive myself insane if I try to._

It's personal, myself and I,

We've got some straightenin' out to do.

_I already know I'm always going to think about you at some point in the day, most times in the day._

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket,

_And I already know that it's going to be hard for me to move on, because I'll never be able to forget about you. But there's things I need to do, things I need to accomplish that I can't if I hang onto you._

But I've got to get a move on with my life.

It's time to a big girl now.

_Of course, there will be tears, quite a few, trust me, but I've got to stop crying._

And big girls don't cry.

_I love you Harry, and I'll never forget you._

_Love, _

_Katrina._

* * *

I placed the last letter in back of the others, folding them up and writing 'Dear Harry' on the front. Smiling at it, I kissed it and placed it in front of some flowers on his gravestone.

I shook my head as I got to my feet. "I think I'm going to be okay now, Harry. I'm going to get a new job and everything, you know? Something I actually like to do. You don't have to worry anymore. And neither do Ron and Hermione," I added glancing back at the two of them. "So I'm not as alone as I thought I was. And I'm fairly certain that I'll be fine."

I pressed my fingers to my lips and blew him a kiss. "Until later, Boy-Who-Saved-The-World."

Grinning, I spun around to go join Hermione and Ron, slipping my arms through both their arms. "You okay, Kat?" Ron asked me, smiling nervously.

I looked at the both of my friends and I said, "Yeah, I'm completely fine. Let's go get some ice cream or something."


End file.
